Next time you better bring something Bigger!

                    It was one of those hot ass North Carolina July days.  The kind were the asphalt sticks to the bottom of your shoes just walking through the parking lot to get to your car.  Sweat popping from every pour and the only relief is to get that car cranked and blast the AC!  Oh shit, the situation is I have no car and can't afford to run the AC in my apartment because PWC just got another rate hike through the Public Service Commission  and I am a little behind on my bill already. What to do What to do?
                    There are several reasons I love the city of Fayetteville North Carolina, and the abundance of watering holes is numero uno!  There were ten to twelve of these such establishments within walking distance of my apartment.  These ranged from Sports Bars to Tit bars to Mom and Pops to Restaurants, so you see I had my choice!  I had my favorite, and lucky for me it was the closest one to my place.  It was fucking hot, so I set out on the ten minute walk thinking of the cool refreshment of the Champagne of Beers I would be enjoying in free AC.
                      I arrived at my destination at around one in the afternoon.  It was a Saturday so Baseball and Busch series racing was on the televisions.  The bar was quite small,  built on the back of a specialty food business.  It was your typical beer garden. with neon signs for all major beer brands on the walls a juke box and a pinball machine.  The floor was a dingy  two tone carpet, red and stains.  There was a full selection of Liquor and all Import and domestic cans or bottles, but no draft.  I love my beer and in 1989 it was still only a dollar a can! So bottoms up!    
                       All mother fuckers who have a haunt know that a drink is not the only reason to be belly up to the bar!  There could be some games of chance being played,  Dominoes, Poker or numbers games.  The dope man could be using it as a place to hone his craft and keep traffic away from his own crib.  See, there are other reasons to mingle in such places!  For me, it was that the bartender was fuckin smokin hot!  I had made it my mission to get up in that ass ASAP and if that meant coming in on days she worked day shift then so be it!
                       Angie had just broke up with her boyfriend.  She was ripe for the pickin!  This girl was what wet dreams are made of.  She was Amazon tall, with long blonde hair that was not curly permed, but naturally curly.  Her body was long with just the right amount of curves.  I had been talking to her for a couple months now and was ready to swoop in and add her to a list of conquests(a little conceited I know).  The time just felt right!
                        Her shift ended and she decided to stick around and have a few beers with me.  As we talked, I started to move the mood towards other places.  I suggested some food and a bottle of  Jack and a few lines of some primo coke.  The coke is always the deal clincher!  She said she had some food at her place and we should just go over there.  You didn't have to ask me twice, and out the door we went!
                        We made a brief pit stop at the Jack Daniels store and drove the couple mikes to her house.  She was renting a place just off Raeford road on a  little lonely street with just a few neighbors, none that were that close.  The bottle of Jack got cracked and the round make-up mirror was retrieved from her bedroom.  LET THE PARTY BEGIN!  After about half a bottle of Jack and half an eight ball things were starting to heat up with Angie and I.  I was now shoe and shirtless lounging on the couch with her head in my lap.  Music was semi blasting from a Cd player, Bobby Browns "My Prerogative" apropos I think.  A couple more lines and a few more shots and things were looking like this night was gonna end on a pussy note!  A knock at the door!
                       We were both startled by the knocking.  Angie hollered through the door "Who is it?"
"It's Dave, open the door!" was the muffled reply
"Go away. I don't wanna see you!"  Angie said while motioning me to hide.  I was not hiding from shit, I was half lit and coked up, the adrenaline flowing free in my veins.
The request came again, this time a little more loud "Open the fucking door!"  Angies face was white with fear and I was ready to throw down, this mother fucker was fuckin with my pussy gettin time!
"Go Away, or I'm calling the cops!"  she screamed back.
A few minutes went by and we heard nothing.  A good sign.  Now just getting the mood back was paramount for me and my friend, Angie too I hoped!
                   Angie apologized for the interruption and asked for another line.  A sigh of relief for me, being as she was not shutting the whole thing down. The sound of breaking glass in a back bedroom should have been my cue  to exit stage right, hindsight is a mother fucker.  As Angie and I stood in the living room, me in only pants, Dave came walking up the hall into the living room.  "Who the fuck is this?" Dave shouted.  Dave was kinda of a girly man to me.  About Five foot nine one sixty-five.  The standard 1989 mullet. a neatly trimmed beard, jeans and a Bon Jovi T-shirt.  I on the other hand was Two-Twenty-five with a blonde crew cut and nothing but a pair of "Jam's" on. Angie replied "None of your business, get out of my house!"  Dave stepped to me, and I don't play that way.  In an instant Dave was in a heap on the floor with blood pouring from his left eye, a single shot without a word of warning, that's how I play!  I picked Dave up by collar,told Angie to open the front door, and threw him out with these kind words "If you are gonna Fuck with me, you better bring something a lot bigger next time, now get the fuck out!"  I felt puffed up, a savior, a gladiator a mean motha fucka!  Closed the door, went for the bottle of Jack and a little white helper.  Angie again said she was sorry and I could tell by the look on her face that sex was out of the question.  It was time for a little damage control, making sure to leave the door open for a future encounter.  I asked her  "You are not mad are you?" with ex-boyfriends one can never tell.  She kissed me hard, said "I have never seen anything like that, it kinda scared me, he is crazy!"  There it was, I was in, "Don't worry your sexy little self, I will handle the small stuff."  She seemed relieved and I started to put my things on.  To my surprise she said "Why don't you stay here tonight?"   Heaven son, I had just gone to heaven.  We sat back down on the couch and restarted the party.
                    Things were back to hot and heavy when another sound startled us.  A car came to a skidding halt in the front yard.  The sound of three doors slamming,  fuck I shouldn't have said bring something bigger! I was now white with fear and Angie was paralyzed with it.  The font door started bowing in as it was being ambushed by whoever had come back to settle the score.  I ran to the door and put my weight against it and screamed for Angie "DIAL 911 NOW!"  That was it, the door came open, Dave has a four foot length of two by four in his hands swinging at the top of my head!   I backed away just in time and the board scraped down my forehead and nose, causing Dave to lose his balance allowing me to get my hands on the two by four and spin Dave around with it.  We are now standing by the front Door, Angie screaming in the back ground.  Where are the neighbors?  Oh yeah THERE ARE NONE! I have Dave's back to my my chest now and we both have our hands on the board.  I have enough strength to pull back on the piece of wood so its hitting Dave in face now.  If that were my only problem.  The two other folks that arrived with Dave, I do not know there names, but assholes none the less were busy on me.  One of them,  a guy about my size, was punching me in the side of the head and another person was kicking me in my ass, boots to ass. really.   I could not believe it.  Dave was hurt now, more blood from the "Walking Tall" stick repeatedly hitting him. The side of my head was meat, but I was not giving up!  My ass hurt pretty bad also.  Angie screamed "The Cops are coming!"  The dude hitting me in face said something I will never forget  "Who is this guy?"  At this point,  aware the cops are coming I pushed Dave with all might out the front door and his friend followed.  I tried my best to close the beaten front door, hearing the sounds of Police and Ambulance sirens.  As I turned my back to lean against the door I was horrified to see what had been kicking me in my ass the last few minutes. A BITCH, they had brought a girl with them and she had been kicking me in my ass.  The bad news for her was her friends had left her to hold the bag.  That shit was not gonna happen.   I pushed myself off the door walked towards this fuckin hussy and blasted her right in the goddamn face!  I picked her up and threw her out the backdoor and collapsed on the kitchen floor.
                        My girl Angie had the sense to clean up our party supplies before the cops arrived and I took a ride to the hospital.  Angie picked me up. now we had some Hydrocodone to go with the rest of our supplies and LET THE PARTY REBEGIN........Really That Happened